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LSAT Demon = Perfection

I’ve spent the last week using any spare time drilling logical reasoning, logic games, and reading comp using the LSAT Demon. I currently have a free study account with them and plan to upgrade soon so that I can access more material, live classes, and study groups. So far, so good.

Being able to study from my phone in pockets of time has been wonderful. If you’re familiar with LSAT land, the same guys that run The Demon also run the Thinking LSAT podcast — which I also highly recommend. I’ll be putting together a study schedule recommended by the Demon and I’ll share that soon. Feeling really excited, but don’t wanna jinx anything.

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Hopeful

After writing my last post, I had a good cry with my husband where I shared all of my fears and worries about law school fitting into our life. He’s been on this LSAT saga with me since 2010 and I know bringing up law school can sometimes be triggering for him.

To my surprise, his expression was gentle as he watched me frantically explain my worries. After I’d rambled on for a few minutes, he took my hands and told me to do it. To let go of my worries and to just jump in. No more excuses, no more fear.

Psht. Easier said than done, but something shifted in that conversation. That itty bitty bit of hope I found in my last (ah-ha moment) post grew. It reminds of the Hunger Games when President Snow is talking about Katniss being the Mockingjay.

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In this case, I hope this spark burns big and bright. I pray the hope that I’ve found becomes the weapon that overcomes my fears. Jesus, take the wheel.

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An AH-Ha moment

I don’t update here often. That’s an obvious statement, I know. The fact of the matter is, things change for me a lot. My last post stated that I registered for the April LSAT – which was a true statement. What ended up happening was that I found out that I was pregnant, and actually had the newest addition this summer (this makes kid #6 for anyone counting), and pushed the April registration off until January 2022.

As I type this, I realize I’ll have to contact LSAC to change my location, because my family also relocated again in October. That’s our 5th move in three years for my husband’s job.

As a mom, I’ve always desired to go to law school, but only if I could figure out how to be a good mom and a good student at the same time. My plans for law school existed long before my life of motherhood, and with each little soul entrusted to me, one thing remains — I have yet to crack to code on how to do both.

You’re probably thinking I’m crazy, and that having six kids means that my life is utter chaos. I’m happy to report, that you’d only be half correct. My family is big, but we are comfortable in the chaos and rock schedules better than anyone I know. The two toddlers and infant are asleep by 7:30pm, and the older three kids follow at 8:30pm. I am fortunate to have my little sister as a part-time Nanny, and a husband that’s been on board with my law school dreams for years.

So the million dollar question – what’s the problem? Why haven’t I left LSAT Land and moved along to applications and my 1L year?

When it boils down to it, I think I’m just simply scared. Scared of failing. Scared of not paying enough attention to my children. Scared that I’ll be stretched too thin. And while those are all valid fears, do you want to know what I’m more afraid of?

That I’ll look back with regret.

I don’t regret the time I’ve spent as a stay-at-home mom with law school dreams. I finished undergrad and grad school online, I’ve written a book (that needs to be edited, but that’s a story for another day), and I’ve survived the death of my father. But my family is re-settled in my husband’s hometown on the East Coast, and I’m a stone’s throw from a wonderful law school.

Deep down, I know that I could manage it. Between scrolling social media, Netflix, and writing stories — that alone is hours a day that could be reallocated for law school.

This post is a bit all over the place, but I’m glad it’s been written. Through it, I’ve sort of had an ah-ha moment, one that I’ve needed to unearth for quite some time. I can’t promise that I’ll take the January LSAT, or that I’ll start law school next year. All I know is that a ball is in motion, and I am going to head in the right direction.

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Into the Unknown

2020. What a whirlwind that year was. March seemed to last decades, but the rest flew by. Back in April, I decided to take the October LSAT. I was only 2 months postpartum with baby number 5, but the LSAT and law school have been the goal since 2010. I knew it was going to be rough (especially since this was quite literally my 20th time attempting to study), but I could NEVER imagine how things would play out.

In June, my father passed away at 56 years old due to alcoholic hepatitis. Our tumultuous relationship came to an abrupt halt, and sent my head and heart spinning. I was not able to study, or do much of anything. So alas, the LSAT had to wait.

While I may have put the test on the back burner, I did accomplish something that I started in 2016 — I finished writing a book! It’s nearly 87k words and is in the chick lit/historical fiction genres. It’s been a labor of love, and an accomplishment that I’m immensely proud of.

But here’s the kicker — the main character is a law student. ❤️ I’ve always loved to write, but the desire of my heart is wanting to be a voice for others.

To fight injustice. To help the abused. To free the innocent. When I found criminal justice as an undergrad, and again as a grad student, I knew I’d finally found my thing.

Writing this book has allowed me to create a world I love in a place I adore (Asheville/Lake Lure) and to tell my grandmother’s story, as half of the book takes place in the 1940s. It’s also allowed me to check the “write a book” box off of my bucket list.

In November, I pitched the book at a writer’s conference, catching the eye of 7 agents. While I’ve received good feedback, I’ve also received rejections. And while I’d love to keep editing, pitching, and querying, the world turning upside down reminds me of my true passion.

Here. We. Go. Again.

I’m using an LSAT study program that I’ve never tried before (love it thus far) and will aim for the April LSAT Flex. If you’ve followed my journey for any length of time, you know that life happens often and the LSAT is usually the first to get thrown onto the back burner. I’ll be just as surprised as y’all if I actually take the freaking test and move onto the next phase in the application process.

Never try, never know, right?

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Pivot!

(Please read the title in Ross Gellar’s voice. 🤪)

2020. What a whirlwind this year has been. March seemed to have lasted decades, and the rest has flown by. Back in April, I decided to take the October LSAT. I was only 2 months postpartum with baby number 5, but the LSAT and law school have been the goal since 2010. I knew it was going to be rough (especially since this was quite literally my 20th time attempting to study for the LSAT), but I could never imagine how things would play out.

In June, my father passed away at 56 years old due to alcoholic hepatitis. Our tumultuous relationship came to an abrupt halt, and sent my head and heart spinning. I was not able to study amidst the freshness of grief. It was all-consuming, and my priority was to be present for my kids and heal.

While I may have put the LSAT on the back burner, I did accomplish something that I started in 2016 — I wrote a book. Well, I finished my book. It’s nearly 86k words and in the chick lit/historical fiction genres. It’s been a labor of love, and an accomplishment that I’m immensely proud of. I’ll be pitching the book in November at a virtual writers conference, where I hope to secure an agent.

But here’s the kicker — the main character is a law student. ❤️ I’ve always loved to write, but my passion, my niche of you will, is wanting to be a voice for others. To fight injustice. To help the abused. To free the innocent. When I found criminal justice as an undergrad, and again as a grad student, I knew I’d finally found my thing.

I’ve always felt stuck between writing and going to law school, and then doing one while juggling motherhood. As if I had to choose which to pursue.

So, why not? Why not now? Why not me? Why not both?? I’ll be 35 in January, 9 days before the January LSAT to be exact, and there’s no better time than now.

“All our dreams can come true if we have the courage to pursue them.” – Walt Disney

Here We Go Again

It’s been seven months since my last post, and since then I’ve welcomed my fifth child and relocated twice for my husband’s job. We have adjusted to our new normal as a family of seven, and while this fifth baby may have been the surprise of my life, he is pure joy and I am so thankful that God gave him to us.

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I’m around 2 months postpartum, and due to the coronavirus pandemic I have had a lot of time to think about my personal calling. I read a quote that said “In the rush to get back to normal, what parts of normal are worth getting back to?” This has really stuck with me, and once again I am attempting to tackle the LSAT.

Here’s the thing — the LSAT is quite literally step 1 in the grand scheme of things. My ultimate goal is to become an attorney. There is so much that I want to do with a legal degree, and I know that if I never conqueror this test I will never have the chance to speak up for those that can’t speak for themselves. A chance to protect victims of domestic violence. A chance to free the wrongly convicted. A chance to live out the desire of my heart.

love being a mom, but my kids are my reason — not my excuse. So while it’s crazy to take on this goal with five young children (my oldest is only eight!), if anyone’s going to try, it’ll be me.

I tried back in 2014 when I had two kids ages two and under. I took the LSAT, had a crappy score, applied anyway and got in, mailed a seat deposit, and due to unforeseen circumstances I chose to wait. I tried to study many times since then, but ultimately have not re-taken the LSAT. Six years and five kids later, I am going to try again. Maybe I’ll succeed, maybe I won’t, but I have to at least try again. And I’ll try again and again until I succeed.

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Mailing my seat deposit in 2014

I am aiming to take the October test, which gives me 5 months and 1 week to study. Who’s taking this test? I need an accountability partner! Let’s do this!!!

Life Update

Ever feel like you’ve got things figured out perfectly, and then BAM! Life happens?

Me too.

Thomas Rhett sings a song called “Life Changes”, where he says:

“You never know what’s gonna happen
You make your plans and you hear God laughing
Life changes, and I wouldn’t change it for the world, the world, oh no”

If this isn’t my life story…

Here’s the latest update:

At the beginning of the year I was on fire studying, had hired a tutor, and was sticking to my study schedule. Things felt right, and I was hopeful that I’d finally get my re-match with the LSAT (I took it in 2014 and it didn’t go very well). Slowly but surely, the stress of life (I’m a stay at home to 4 kids ages 7 and under) began to take it’s toll, and I started juggling my study schedule with less and less grace.

Mother’s Day rolled around, and my sweet husband gifted me a flight student kit and a 10 hour block of time at the local flight school. I love aviation and have always wanted to learn how to fly, so I decided to turn my attention to flight school for the time being. Learning to fly was something I could do on my time and schedule, and I knew that it would be a hobby, and I’d eventually find the time to go to law school.

And then a big fat curve ball arrived.

In June, I found out that I was unexpectedly expecting baby #5. Not only did this take my husband and I by complete surprise, but it also abruptly stopped my flight lessons as it was no longer recommended by my doctor. (Yes, we know how babies are made. No, that apparently did not matter.)

After a few months of sulking and just processing everything, I put my big girl panties on and breathed in the blessing. Another baby wasn’t in my plan, but if God wants to bless my family with another tiny life, then we will gladly accept. I am due in March 2020 and if anyone is going to try to go to law school with 5 kids, it’s sure as heck going to be me.

So that’s where I am. Still in LSAT Land, but I know that I’ll get there sooner than later. I have been called to two things — being a mother and being a lawyer — and I will fulfill the latter when the time is right.

Motherhood to Lawyerhood

I have been in an on again/off again relationship with the LSAT since 2010. Each time I begin studying, I wonder if this will be the time that I see my dreams come to fruition. I wonder if I’ll actually take the test, reach my goal score, and move on to applications. I often daydream about getting accepted with lots and lots of scholarship money, at my school of choice, succeeding in law school, and becoming an attorney.

But the problem with daydreaming is that that’s all it is — a dream.

I have accomplished a lot personally and professionally, but I just haven’t been able to crack the code on breaking the LSAT while being a mom. I always start studying and have an insane amount of motivation, but I fall behind on my study schedule and that drive goes down the drain quickly.

Motherhood is without a doubt the most wonderfully exhausting job I’ve ever had, and it. never. stops. Someone or something always needs me, and takes priority over studying for the LSAT. Even with a supportive spouse (which I am super thankful for), it’s nearly impossible.

Then there’s the mom guilt! Oh, the freaking mom guilt. It comes in all shapes and sizes, and can take my breath away in a flash. Raising and shaping my four young children takes precedence over the LSAT, but I just know if I can figure out how to eloquently juggle this test, that I can conquer it and move on to law school. (For some reason, the getting there part seems more impossible than the actual “doing it” part once I’m in law school.)

I’ve spoken to a few of my IG mom friends who are also aspiring lawyers, and we all have this dilemma — how do we stay motivated to study when it just isn’t a top priority in this season of life?

I have yet to figure out this answer (super helpful, right?), but I do know that life is better when you have support from a community. When you are not only in the same boat as those going through similar struggles, but are rowing together to get the final destination.

All that to say this – I’ve decided to create an online community where moms trying to get to law school can connect. It’ll be a hub for support and guidance. A place where we can collectively tackle logical reasoning, logic games, and reading comprehension. It will provide structure so you don’t lose your fire. My hope is to have it up and running this week, so that we can be in it together for 2019, and see our dreams become our reality.